existential opposites

I was just looking at the name I chose for this blog and realized that the opposite of all three would be...conflict, nightmare, misery. That pretty much describes interactions I have with my ex (oops I just conflicted my previous posting intention). Oh well, I made it 24 hours.

I have been doing some research about mental disorders and I have identified narcissism, and psychosis as two possibilities for him.

I really should try to keep with the name of this blog but today was a very difficult day. Divorce sucks. You would think that the number of years I have been out of this relationship, things would improve. They just stay stable as long as I don't "rock the boat". The trouble is his influence over our child. I can't combat that. I can only go along with each day as it unfolds. Most days I have enough to keep my busy but today nothing seemed to make the pain and "crappy crap" thoughts go away. You know, the woulda, coulda, shoulda, and the ifonlyi kinda thoughts.

I have tried retail therapy and even wind therapy(ninja500) and nothing seems to work.

Its a good thing I have a lot of people in my life who really stood up to support me. And then there were the others I thought were my friends who really let me down. No one who has not been through a divorce can ever really understand. Most of the coupledom issues are long gone, it is the lingering manipulative remarks and sideways glances that affect our child. Life is tough enough when you are in puberty without adding a mentally deranged father in the mix.

here we go again, ex's and a tea party

Okay, I am going to try this again. I make these stupid promises to myself that I am going to keep an online journal to get my voice out there and heard.

I enjoy taking college courses, I have a twelve year old daughter, twelve going on 20. I work in a boring industry (insurance) but have a great job. I love the people I work with and have a great boss.

I have been through a pretty nasty divorce and am just starting to come out of it feeling like a human being again. It is my intention not to bash my ex on this thing. So I sayeth here. We'll see how that goes.

I do however have a great guy now. He is so suited for me. He know how to challenge me and comfort me. He loves me and has seen me through so much in the last three years. (It's been five since the ex and I split up. Can't believe that.

Let's see, I am having a tea party. I know it sounds dorky but I have always wanted to have a tea party. I have collected quite a few tea cups and saucers, old antique ones that all somehow mix and match and go together. It's going to be all ladies, but the twist is it will be a brunch and admittance will only be allowed to those who come in their jammies or robes.

How many times have you wished you could just hang out in your jammies all morning? perfect!

I can't wait!